He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
