I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
