Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
