My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
