In the future we'll all be gay
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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