its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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