dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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