So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
