if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
