..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
