I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
