Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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