I showed him my bush... on skype.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
