I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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