i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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