The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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