How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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