i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's shark week go big or go home
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize