You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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