You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
