How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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