I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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