My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
try to milk me bitch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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