i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
