ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
