shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
