Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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