at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
