Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
