hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Farmville is her only friend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
