Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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