Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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