she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just high enough for therapy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
