I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
