think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
