just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
