dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then he peed in my hair
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