cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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