last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
