I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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