Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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