I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
