i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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