wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
