did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
