We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
