Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
