the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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