I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
