I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
