why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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