This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
