I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
