please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
