I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
