If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
