I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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