look no pants
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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