Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
