he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
