I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
