you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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