I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My cat gives me a boner
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
