it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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