One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
