I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
