Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
