Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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