Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
